A non-A___ post…

[… which is completely self-referential and therefore hidden behind a read more. No obligation to read. Or to comment. And warning: Probably appears horribly sentimental and ego-centric. Apologies!]

Dear friends,

and I really mean that when I address you as friends, because I have been stunned so far by the amount of compassion, kindness and concern that has been sent my way, and that I only know from people in my RL whom I consider friends. Every comment, every e-mail and every message via tumblr that I have received has shown me that there is friendship in this fandom that goes beyond the (sometimes frivolous) shared admiration and enjoyment of an (admittedly fabulous) actor’s talent and assets. More than ever I realize that there are *real* people behind the internet handle, and they are acting and reacting to what they read and see, even if it is not the As and Bs (abs and buns *ggg*) of Mr A…

This long and garbled intro is meant to lead to a heart-felt THANK YOU for the continued kindness and thoughts and best wishes and prayers you are sending my way. I appreciate all of it more than I can ever express in words! We are unfortunately not out of the woods yet. In fact things are not looking up at all, and my dad’s situation remains unchanged. There is little we can do – apart from waiting, a cruel game. In Limbo – held between the two poles called “Hope” and “Despair”. Wishing for an end to the uncertainty and yet afraid of *which* certainty is waiting for us. Every ring of the phone an adrenaline surge. A tonne-load of bricks in my stomach. The unbearably sweet sting of unspilled tears behind my eyes.

But your messages lift me up, give me hope and strength. Thank you so much for that. I find they really help me. As does the positive imagery and imagining of the comfort and warmth of a muscly strong embrace, holding my shoulder with soft authority, pulling me in and reassuring me with the presence of the ever-beating heart, tucking my head under a softly bearded chin, a framework to hold me up. Soft warm breath caressing my neck -in, out, in, out. Just reassuring me that there *is* life. It doesn’t matter that the image is not *real*, just as it doesn’t matter that I have not seen many of you in RL – your are *real* to me now, and I can feel your positivity hovering around me, enveloping me and bolstering me. The feeling counts. And I feel.

Thank you! And forgive the egocentricity.

 

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37 thoughts on “A non-A___ post…

  1. Well said… Huge positive thoughts coming your way. Waiting is the most difficult thing sometimes – worse even than bad news because at least then you know the worst and can gear yourself up to deal with it. Hang in there. More hugs (sorry I can’t offer the softly bearded chin to snuggle under). Xxx

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  2. We have never really talked, but we share the same thoughts: I’ve virtually met more real friends here, than in real life. I know what you mean. And believe me when I say I’m truly concerned for your dad and for you. I hope everything turns out well, just like when you wake up from a nightmare and you only feel relief and a little bit shaken. I truly do. Hugs to you and your family and, even if I don’t pray anymore, I’m sending you all the best wishes!

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  3. I can only second what the other ones wrote yet and send you all my hugs (again and again). Waiting is the worst thing ever, I know only too well. Hope things go better very soon. My thoughts are with you and you dad and your family. :-*

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  4. Nothing whatsoever to apologise for- we are all with you, keeping you close in our thoughts. Hoping against hope for good news soon- keep hanging in there.

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  5. Dear Guylty, I am way behind reading all the blogposts from the last weekend and so I hadn’t read about your dad but I hope everything will turn out to be okay for you, your dad and the rest of your family!!!
    I send you lots of good vibes, take care (und fühl dich aus der Ferne mal feste gedrückt!!!!!)

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  6. Oh my dear Guylty! Big hugs to you. We are a community with lots of love to share. It is amazing the strength you can gain from sharing in it! It’s here for the asking! Hugs! xxX

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  7. this post was not egocentric, you silly woman! I saw it as you giving of yourself, once again, by letting us know the current state of things so that we can share that weight with you 🙂 the “not knowing” and having your mind flit back and forth between various scenarios is so emotionally exhausting. we are with you in spirit, sending you good thoughts and strength to deal with whatever is to come. XOXO

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  8. Oh dear, I was hoping for good news. So sorry to hear you still have to bear the uncertainty. That is really so difficult to handle. But I am glad to hear you find some solace in the comments flowing your way and you can feel the fandomlove.
    I don’t know a single person who would deserve more support from her (virtual) friends as you do. You have spread so much love, good vibes, creativity and support all over the fandom during the last months. All the time your blog was *the* happy place to go to.
    I wish you strength in this dark and difficult time, and that things will pick up soon and go exactly the way you want them to go. Keep faith, dear Guylty!

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  9. There is nothing self centred about expressing gratitude for friendship, dear heart! It is the opposite of egocentric to use the strained resources you have to even think about appreciating others. You’re a lovely person – intelligent, kind, funny, thoughtful and incredibly generous. We are honoured to lift you up and hold you close in our hearts. It could only be sweeter if we could do it in person.

    May God give you…
    For every storm, a rainbow,
    For every tear, a smile,
    For every care, a promise,
    And a blessing in each trial.
    For every problem life sends,
    A faithful friend to share,
    For every sigh, a sweet song,
    And an answer for each prayer.

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  10. I am so sorry, I didn´t know anything about your situation during the last two weeks. After my stay in hospital I wallowed in self pity and avoided to read all the missed posts. Linda60 cheered me up with a personal call, and a little hope of possibly being able to visit London in August arose from that. If not there´s still the spreading love throughout the fandom, whereby you give the lion´s share imho…
    I pray for you and your family (I really believe in that) und drück dich ganz fest.

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  11. I’m sending healing vibes to your dad and much love to you and your family dear guylty. You give us so much happiness in the crapola that is life. I wish I could do more for you in return. (((((((((((((hugs you)))))))))))))

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  12. It is such a difficult time of life. It does help to know others are lifting you up! I’ll pray you have the strength you need on this journey.

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  13. “And forgive the egocentricity.”

    Egocentricity?!?! – Are you insane?

    Guylty,

    even if you didn’t consider us “Ooof-readers” “friends”: We are!
    We may not have met personally.
    We may have never *really* talked.
    Maybe we never will talk face to face.

    You know what? It doesn’t matter.
    We have something in common. Something that *connects* us.

    Us:
    – You and I.
    – You and all the people that are praying for you and your dad.
    – You and all the people who are crossing their fingers for you and you dad.

    Your Ooofs touched us.
    Your Ooofs taught us something new.
    Your Ooofs made us smile.

    Your Ooofs MEAN something.

    You – your Ooofs – built a connection between us.
    You didn’t intend to, but it happened.

    How could we do anything but not send you all our best wishes?!

    Meine Daumen bleiben gedrückt, und ich hoffe weiterhin, dass alles gut wird.
    Fühl dich von mir gedrückt.

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  14. Virtual hug for you and good wishes and positive thoughts for the speedy recovery of your father. Remember to tell him you love him.

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  15. I have been so eager to know how your father is doing, as well as you…. so sorry to hear that you are still in that limbo spot. Many of us have been in that cruel place at one time or another … I still ask the Lord to share His strength with you. (And I might wish to become as “egocentric” as you are..! This is what friends are for – so no more of that stuff, OK? 😉 Please consider yourself hugged.

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  16. Oh Honey, I’m out of the loop and have just heard about your Dad! I’m so sorry and I hope you are holding up as best you can. Yesterday was Father’s Day here and it just brought home how lucky daughters of wise good fathers are. Huge hugs, plenty of positive energy and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for good news!

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  17. Everyone needs to vent,talk about things that are upsetting and hurting.If we had no one to talk to,where would we be.All will work out and rest assured we all will be here to listen.Miss you girl,take care of yourself…De

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  18. You’ve been in my thoughts. I appreciate that you have taken the time to update and thank us. As others have said you are a positive force in the fandom and it’s no surprise to me that many of us are sending you positive feelings back. You’re in a very difficult place but know that you’re missed. Hugs!

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  19. You are never egocentric and we want to share this difficult time with you, if it can make it easier in any way. You truly are a creative spark in the fandom (more like a forest fire, actually) and have given us so much, we want to give our support and friendship back to you. You deserve it. Best wishes and hopeful vibes to you and your family. We are there for you as much as we can be in virtual world. You are only receiving back what you have given to us. Your creative and generous spirit is a wonderful tribute to your dad and family. May RA and all the rest of us be your shoulders to cry on during this time.

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  20. Dear Guylty, We haven’t met but I have enjoyed all of your work here. I can only send you healing prayers for your dad, and comforting ones for you and your loved ones.

    And here is what I hope will be a good and comforting visual for you: An arrow is shot by aiming and pulling it backwards in the bow, and then releasing it. When life seems to be pulling you backwards, when the tension is released it will usually result in you being shot forward into something new (and hopefully, joyful and rewarding). Aim forward. Release. Be the arrow and hit your new mark. Blessed be, Julie

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  21. You are a brilliantly ray of sunshine to so many people, and I’m just so sorry that things are so difficult right now. No thanks are necessary, and ((((hugs)))) are free too!

    xoxoxoxo

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  22. One of the things I like most about being in this fandom is the kindness, generosity and compassion I see here. And you, Ms Guylty, are one of the people I think of when I say that. You are always the first to say a kind word or send one of your shrines out to make someone smile. Egocentric is the last word I would use to describe you! Kind, generous, compassionate, funny, clever, talented…I could go on but I fear you are already blushing scarlet!

    Take care, Bolly xx

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  23. I along with others in this fandom will tell you of the great support we have received from others while we have have had others thing in our personal lives to think about. I never said a lot about last summer, but was very thankful for all the support I got from this fandom.

    Never forget of your friends here and that will are here to give you support.

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  24. Liebe Guylty, ich wünsche Dir vor allem viel Kraft, Stärke, Energie um durchzuhalten, egal wie lange es dauert und drücke Deinem Vater fest die Daumen, dass zumindest bald Besserung in Sicht ist. Auch wenn es nur per email ist, fühle Dich gedrückt und alles gute für Euch!

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  25. Dear Guylty,
    Sending my blessings and prayers to your Dad and wishing you and your family strength through these treacherous waters. Your beautiful blog and mini masterpieces known as RAPS, photography, and wit are inspiring and sustaining. The RA fandom has continued to impress me with the levels of creativity and support amongst a core group.

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  26. Liebe Guylty, fühl dich auch von mir gedrückt. Ich denke oft an dich, und kann mir die Unerträglichkeit deiner Situation ( und deiner Familie!) gut vorstellen. Und trotzdem stehen wir alle bloß außen vor! Es ist gut und natürlich nicht egozentrisch, dass du dich uns mitteilst. Ich denke , ALLE deine “Verfolger (*kleines grins *) sind dankbar, von dir zu hören. Auch ich drücke Euch und deinem Papa fest die Daumen! LG C

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